How to Identify & Understand
Feelings of Hatred in Oneself
A Talk on Reaching Love
You might not know hatred.
I...didn't know hatred. For the longest time.
And perhaps you are like me - so, I figured I'd write this.
It takes two separate minds to see it - Two separate minds of oneself.
And I am going to interject myself for a moment...But I am actually starting to write this on Valentine's Day, and these words may not feel right to you and me both, but I promise, it all leads back to love.
I think hatred is a very difficult feeling to identify.
Personally, I had red flags...but with hatred, I always thought that there must be something worse out there. Something worse...and that was hatred. Not these feelings. And I thought that...and I began numbing myself to the feelings of hatred.
And what I battled with most of the time was feelings of self hatred.
There are different kinds of hatred in the world, but I think self hatred is the beginning to many different kinds of hatred.
Hatred can be a small feeling. A small feeling that leaves you feeling negative and eats you up inside, leaving a black hole. And it'll grow and grow. But - even then - before it all - that little feeling, no matter who or what it is directed to - may very well be hate.
And that' okay. It's okay to feel hate. The important thing is to become aware of it. And want to fix it.
Because the worst thing we can do during these times is to think of it as a trivial little thing, and cast it aside for nothing - even though we know it's not nothing in the back of our minds - And just because we think it cannot be anything like hate. Something else...but not hate. But the thing with hate is that it consumes you, until you have no idea what hatred is until you embody it. And you love it. And that is its final destination. Hate's final goal...in a figurative sense. Hate becomes a person. And the person is hate.
But most people do not reach there. Most people, I like to believe, catch themselves, are able to find something soft to this world, and return to love.
But - Most people also dismiss the "little things" hatred can be:
When we hurt ourselves for not being enough. When we hurt others for not being enough. The voice inside ourselves that cut us apart bit by bit of our happiness.
So be aware to these little things that hatred can be, and make every effort to not be quick to fall into hatred.
Be a soft place to others, in case there is that "little thing" in them eating them up.
Be a soft place and home to yourself, where you can be comfortable being you.
Be a soft place so that all the good things of the universe and karma can manifest itself in your heart and build life around this soft pace you've made of love.
And I'm sorry this is all I can say right now, because I wish I had all the answers to how to make this hate go away...but I don't. I know how I've made the self-hatred disappear in me, but the world... I don't know.
All I can hope is that the softness I let loose to the world will one day be enough.
And this is my train of thought for today.
Just words. But I hope this helped. Even if just a little.