Today I wanted to create a different kind of blog post than I have in the past.
I have always loved journaling and learning about myself and the world.
In the past however, I had always been afraid to share my thoughts and experiences to others.
Afraid of judgement. Afraid of being wrong. Afraid of the world.
But these days, I am learning to be okay with all that.
I want to write and share my thoughts and experiences on this blog because I believe it is what makes me, me.
And I created this blog as an extension of myself after all.
Most of these entries are things I have written down in my personal journal.
They also happen to surround the idea of love.
I do not always write about love but I guess this is the chapter of life I am currently in.
And I am thoroughly enjoying it!
I hope you enjoy these stories as well.
Now, let’s get started!
I am one who believes that sleep connects us to all.
Ourselves, God, everyone.
I also believe that the songs we wake up to in the mornings hold deep meaning. Especially when it is a song we haven’t heard in a long time.
Today I woke up with the song Without You by David Guetta (feat Usher) stuck in my head.
I hadn’t heard this song in a long time and I wondered why I remembered it now.
I couldn’t remember all the lyrics. Mainly the melody and the “Without you” part.
So I listened to it.
And when I listened to this song, it was like I had found the missing puzzle piece to my heart.
It felt like someone that I had kept far away was trying to remind me of how important I am and always have been.
It was an answer to the past 1-2 days, as I had been feeling miserable. I felt so unloved and unneeded. (Usually I am very happy but I guess I came across a wound I needed to heal within myself)
And I can’t quite remember, but in the depths of those emotions – I probably asked for help.
I realized when I listened to the song – That for all my life, I had told myself I don’t need anyone… I only need myself.
Perhaps this idea stemmed from a time in my life when I was learning how to love myself… and I learned that I do not need others to fix me, complete me, or save me. That all I needed was my own self-love.
But I realized that this was a belief that had been hurting me for so long. Or at least, what I had subconsciously believed in from those words.
I do need others.
Because what I say to the world is what I say to myself.
The outer world is a reflection of our inner world.
And to tell myself I didn’t need others was like I was saying I didn’t need myself.
I realized that’s where the hole in my heart came from.
Not to say that the whole concept of self-love is incorrect. Self-love is very important!
However, it may be that self-love is not truly complete until we can see that we are all one.
And it was funny because that same day, I went out to do some grocery shopping and errands and every where I went, people would come up and talk to me. Ask for my help. Or just chat.
Sometimes I wonder if my thoughts are just strange wayward thoughts that I’m making up in my mind – But it was as if God was saying it is all true.
All it takes is one moment of becoming aware of a belief inside you – and it changes the whole scope of one’s day.
Even the progression of one’s life.
Give it to Me
The past few days, I had been worrying about how to meet the one.
What do I need to do?
Where do I need to go?
I received the message that I don’t have to do it all alone.
And I realized “Oh, that’s right!”
A relationship starts between two people! It’s not all just for one person to shoulder. We have to meet each other halfway.
I understood it in my heart but I also felt like this was only half of the answer.
Later that night, as I was falling asleep, I heard someone in my mind say “Give it to me.”
I knew somehow they were talking about my worries.
So I gave it to them in my mind’s eye.
It felt as if I was handing off some tasks for my “other half” to do.
I say “other half” because I do not know how else to describe it. I don’t know who it is. Perhaps the part of myself that is hidden or unconscious? Perhaps my Higher Self or God?
Anyways, they said that they’ll take care of it so I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
And I fell asleep.
Today I went for a walk and I felt so happy!
I felt as if I finally came home.
I love saying hi to people.
I love the nature.
I love everything.
There is only good, only love.
These days, I am learning to see the God and goodness within everyone.
We are all truly one.
The Luggage Case
I have been recently listening to Louise Hay’s work and learning about love.
I recently bought a used luggage case and it dawned on me how symbolic this luggage case was to the idea of love, as funny as that sounds.
I received it, hoping it would be almost new because that was what was stated on the item’s description.
However I was disappointed to find that it was very dirty overall and had a big scuff on the front of it.
I was sad and thought about returning it.
I thought about buying a different luggage case but I reminded myself to trust what I chose.
I wiped it, and all the dirt and even the big scuff across the front came off.
Afterwards, it looked brand new!
It was perfect! I was so happy with it!
I realized that the luggage was “for me”.
And I also realized that this whole experience was like people.
We all go through life and get “dirty” and “scuffed up” as we progress and make mistakes or get hurt in life.
However, underneath we are still pristine and beautiful.
In fact, we are perfect no matter what.
The dirt and scuffs can always be cleaned off. This process is I believe called “healing” although I feel that other words can be associated with it.
The important part is to trust in the perfect state of everyone.
Perhaps this is how God sees us?
I saw the dirty luggage case and was disappointed and sad.
However there is another perspective. All things are perfect.
The perfect state within everyone is their divine self.
And to believe in that perfect state within everyone is love.
Today I was standing in front of the mirror and saying some affirmations.
Suddenly I felt whole.
It was a sense of wholeness I never felt before.
I loved myself so much.
I saw my perfection and completeness.
I realized in that moment that I lost all yearning for “the one” because I felt so whole, it didn’t make sense to yearn.
I guess I had been subconsciously yearning even when I consciously thought I wasn’t.
I knew with all conviction (the most relaxed conviction I ever felt) that my person and I will meet at the right time. I knew it!
It came with the feeling of wholeness.
I can’t explain it other than one knows.
There was no “wanting” in that state – for anything.
I feel that even as I write this down I cannot relay just how profound the experience was.
It lasted a few minutes before I was back to my usual self.
But the feeling of being whole was as if my “normal state” was like I was living as multiple different selves and I finally was able to merge as my one true self. Not physically or mentally. But as a feeling. It is so difficult to describe into words… I wish I could.
However as I looked at myself in the mirror, it was as if I finally saw the true me.
Even though I physically looked the same… it was… strange.
Later that day, I listened to Rihanna’s song Umbrella.
It had been so long since I listened to it that I completely forgot how it went.
I listened to the lyrics and the first thing my mind was reminded of was eternal love. Unconditional love. The love that God has for you. The true love you have for yourself.
(Of course, songs can be interpreted many ways and this is just the first thing that came to my mind)
When I listened to it, I felt that the timing I came across this song again was meant to be.
Also – even though the feeling of pure oneness lasted a few minutes, it was not a sad thing that I came out of it. I know it lives in me still and I am forever changed.
No, not changed. It was and is always within me.
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog post!
I hope you enjoyed these little glimpses of what goes on in the life of a random person out there in the world (who is me)
If there is anything you want to comment, feel free to do so down below! (It does take a while to show up as I have to approve each comment)
I hope each and every one of you has a wonderful day or night, and until next time!