I am back with another chapter of random thoughts!
December (2023) was an amazing month, and I hope yours was as well!
I feel as if I have experienced a lot, but it was busy and I didn’t get to write so much down.
I hope you enjoy the little stories I did write down and find some inspiration from it.
I feel like this intro is short… but oh well!
I hope you enjoy!
Fork in the Road
Sometimes we come across a fork in the road.
The fork I came to was one of “Am I running away?” or “Am I doing what I want to do?”
I heard many years ago that every choice we make is either one of fear or one of love.
And all of my life, I’ve been trying to make choices based on love.
But sometimes the lines blur.
Sometimes I come across a fork in the road and wonder if I am making the decision because I truly want to or if it’s because I just want to run away.
In the past, I have experienced that it is perfectly okay to make a choice based on fear though.
Sometimes that fear or anxiety is a sign telling you to go.
It usually comes when my heart has told me peacefully many times that it wants to go in a certain direction and I ignored it. It comes to a point where the only way I’ll listen is if it “screams” at me to go.
All I know is I’ve done it.
I’ve taken a road.
And now I dedicate myself to this road and shall see where it takes me.
The Thing that Snags My Heart
Today I was running some errands, and I decided to stop by Dunkin to get a coffee.
While I was waiting in line at the drive-thru, an unexpected idea came to mind.
“Pay for the person behind you.”
I was a bit surprised by this thought. I have never paid for the person behind me.
And as it was something I had never done before, I got anxious.
“What would this person think of me?”
Before I knew it, it was my turn and it all happened so fast that I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I received my coffee and left.
These days I have been trying to listen to my intuition – What my heart wants to do.
It’s easy to do for things I’ve done before but I realized that I have to overcome the fear of doing new things. (I know paying for someone else’s order may not seem that big to many people haha)
I told myself as I was driving out “It’s okay, I’ll do it next time.”
But I realized too that that moment when I first heard that thought was precious.
There won’t be another moment like that again.
It may be the only time in my life I could have interacted with that person (I have no idea who the person in that car was).
But it’s true!
There are hundreds of thousands of people who live in this area and each interaction (even if it’s small) is precious.
So I acknowledged that past moment. I didn’t feel guilty for the path I chose. But it also made me realize even more how precious each present moment is.
There have been many times where each day blurred into the next. I realized today I have the subconscious belief that the past dictates my present heavily.
I experienced this place before so I know how the present moment will play out (and even if a different thought comes in to try to change my behavior, I stick to what I’ve always done before).
I realized today (even through I didn’t pay for the person behind me) that every single moment is precious.
It is one of a kind.
There will not be a moment like this one ever again.
I hope I can take this feeling with me forever.
And I hope that next time, I am free of one more snag that keeps me from doing what my heart wants to do.
Step of Faith
I have found that often times, the answer to my question comes after I take the first step forward.
I often think I have to make that next step correctly. Thus, I stall, waiting for an answer from God about where to go.
But I have found that for me, the answer always lies within.
I know what step I need to take.
There are some answers that lie just after the initial step of faith.
Today I was reading A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.
And I came across this passage:
“In a Movable Feast, Hemingway writes about writing. He describes the difference between his writing a story, and a story writing itself. When he finds himself writing the story, he knows it’s time to stop for the day. Our life is meant to be a story that mysteriously writes itself, and our work is the creative fruit of our lives.”
It clicked something within me.
I was also meditating today and I thought to myself what if I let go of all futures I have thought of for myself. And what if I let go of all pasts.
In the newness, there is mystery.
Listen to Your Heart’s Wants
Today I was feeling unhappy.
I hadn’t gotten much work done. I meditated for an hour and fell asleep for the rest of the day.
I felt annoyed as I progressed into the evening.
I had a bunch of thoughts swirling around in a whirlwind in my head causing me to be unhappy.
I didn’t like this feeling of unhappiness so I asked to give these feelings to God so I could be let go of it.
And the answer came to me.
You are living too much in your head. Live through your heart.
I realized that the wants of my mind were at war with the wants of my heart.
My heart didn’t feel like working. My heart felt like meditating. Then, it wanted to sleep.
I didn’t get much work done today but I got to do everything my heart wanted to do.
I felt peace at this realization.
Our minds are oftentimes so focused on results that the world suddenly becomes meaningless without the results our minds seeks.
The heart lives for the present.
Later on in the evening, without forcing myself or anything, I was able to finish my work!
No time is truly wasted when you listen to your heart’s wants.
Thank you so much for stumbling across my blog post and giving it a chance!
It’s something a little different from my usual drawing ideas blog post, but I’ve been in the mood to write my experiences in case it helps someone out there.
Feel free to comment down below (It takes a while for it to show up as I have to approve each comment)
I hope you have a wonderful day or night, and until next time!