I began meditating everyday starting on December of 2019 – and here is my story on what I experienced along the way, along with my exact process on how I meditate at the end of this blog post.
Much of this meditation journey was inspired by the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. If you are interested in learning meditation more in-depth, I highly recommend searching him on Youtube or reading his books.
I would also like to add that even though I read and heard a lot about other people’s experiences when it came to meditating, I went into meditating not expecting any one outcome.
At first, I wasn’t really sure what to expect when I began meditating, but I was open to it and was determined to stick with it in order to understand what it was like for myself.
Everyone’s meditation journey is going to be different.
As with anything in life, be wary to not compare your own journey to that of others. You will have your own beautiful life experiences – Trust in that!
This site is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com
Why I Started Meditating
I started meditating for my anxiety.
2019 was a rough year for me.
I felt as if something needed to change, but I didn’t know how to change – and that manifested in a lot of anxiety in my life. I was even experiencing anxiety attacks.
During that year, I became interested in Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work and later that year, I bought his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself (Check it out on Amazon here).
It was because of this book that I decided to give meditating a try.
Dr. Dispenza has been studying the effects of meditation for much of his life and teaches others how to meditate so they can better their lives. He has seen the effects of meditation on human health, brain, and even down to one’s DNA.
And there is so much more beyond even that.
The effects of meditation are vast and much of it, inexplicable.
I started meditation knowing this. I was careful to not limit myself to any expectations and to let whatever happen, happen.
Figuring Out Which Meditation Technique Worked Best for Me
I was a bit all-over-the-place when it came to meditating at first, trying out new meditation techniques to see what worked best for me.
I tried guided meditations, meditating to music, timed-meditations, breath meditations, and others. I tried meditating during different times of the day and night as well.
I learned along the way that timed-meditations were not for me. They either made me focus too much on when the meditation would end or I would get startled when the timer went off while I was in the zone.
I also realized that guided meditations were not for me because I found that they restricted my meditations. I like to process what is inside me at my own pace and in my own way.
Meditating with music was helpful, though after several months, I soon stopped doing that.
I do breath meditations on occasions, particularly on days where I have a harder time focusing, and I only do them for a short while before settling on the meditation style I do most often.
The meditating technique I like best is meditating while focusing on nothing. No music, no words, no outside influence. I sit there with myself and meditate. I will go more into depth about my exact process later in the blog post, so stay tuned.
What meditation technique works best depends on every person.
There is no one right way to meditate – Do what feels right for you.
And don’t compare your meditation sessions or expect yourself to do it well! There is no such thing as a bad meditation (as Dr. Joe Dispenza says). Whatever happens is okay!
The Beginning (First Month of Meditation)
The first month of meditating was definitely the hardest for me.
And if you also experience that the first month or so is difficult for you, you are not alone. Many people experience this as well.
The first 1-3 weeks of meditating was rough. My thoughts would not quiet no matter how hard I tried.
I have a very active and vivid imagination. This flared up a lot when I began to meditate.
Furthermore, when I had sessions where I was finally able to quiet down everything, I would feel very angry for no reason.
It was very strange, but I imagine it was because my mind was so used to just being free and doing whatever it wanted to do that it became “angry” when it was suddenly not allowed full reign.
My dreams also took a downward turn during this time. I have had “chronic bad dreams” since I was a child, but I noted my dreams did get worse this first period of meditating (It did get much better later on).
It might seem at first that meditating wasn’t helping but I knew it was just my mind rebelling, trying to go back to its old way of thinking and feeling. I was determined to meditate because I wanted to take back control over my life. I wanted to live life my own way.
Also, everything in life takes time. Change takes time, and it’s up to me to be patient and believe in myself during that time.
Because overall, I felt more positive and I couldn’t let my periodic “down moments” stop me from continuing to meditate.
The Turning Point
You know when they say “My life changed completely after I started …”
I wasn’t really expecting that to happen, or for it to happen so quickly right after I started meditating.
Truthfully, I debated whether I should include this part in this blog post.
I’m not exactly sure if it happened because of meditating or if it was a completely separate occurrence.
I know many people meditate for spiritual purposes as well, so I thought this may be helpful for many people.
Also, it didn’t feel right leaving it out when it was one of the catalysts that changed my entire year.
For a long time, I was debating whether I should leave my job. I had no idea what I’d do if I left and I was at a loss as to what I was supposed to do.
During a meditation session in January, I prayed, asking if it was best for me to leave work. I prayed for a sign that I knew could only come from God if I was meant to leave my job.
Three days after that meditation/prayer, I woke up that Monday morning like usual to get ready for work. Back then, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning so the room was still completely dark. I went into the bathroom to get myself ready and turned on the lights and realized I could see without my glasses or contacts.
I’ve worn glasses since I was in 5th grade. I can’t see anything unless it’s 4 inches away from my face. So I was surprised when I could see every detail of my eyes instead of two foggy masses. I remember being able to read every little word on the bottle of mouthwash 2 feet away from me. I looked around the room and could see the design of the shower curtain and everything.
This didn’t last long though. In less than 5 minutes, my vision blurred back to how it was before.
I didn’t believe myself – I thought it was perhaps just some tears in my eyes or something. I thought in the back of my mind that maybe it was my sign, but I kept making excuses against it. I told myself it was just some weird thing from meditating and left it at that.
Later though, I realized it was my sign. Things just kept happening to make me realize that a sign like that shouldn’t just be ignored.
So I decided to leave.
When I made that decision, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. Where would I get a new job? Should I move? Should I move to the city?
I had no idea, but I almost had no time to worry.
In a couple days, everything came together. My sister’s lease happened to almost be up so we could find an apartment together near the city. We found that place within 3 days and signed the contract. In March of 2020 we moved in. That was when everything began to go under lockdown so I decided to halt job-searching. At that time, my side income took a huge jump, so income-wise I was going to be okay.
Looking back, this whole period felt as if I took a giant leap of faith from the little nest I had and my landing came together so that I may descend softly and safely.
When you meditate you may experience your life changing in ways you weren’t expecting.
I hope that when you go through this change, you may remember that your life is not falling apart. Something better is coming. Trust in that and you’ll see it come together in time.
Also, life decisions are always difficult to make.
There may be a part of you that wants to change, and a part of you that wants to desperately hold onto your past.
Life is meant to change. Sometimes circumstances will arise to force us to change, but it will always in the end, be for the better. Remember this.
The First Half of the Year
Little-by-little, I was getting more used to meditation.
For the first 3 months, I was meditating twice a day: Morning and Night.
I also did time myself for a while to see how long I was meditating, and I was averaging around 30-40 minutes during nights and about 15-20 minutes in the mornings.
However, after around 3 months, I started meditating mainly at night. Occasionally I will meditate in the middle of the day when I feel like it.
My meditation sessions vary.
Sometimes my mind is completely calm and other times, I have thoughts that run-on and it takes me a while to become aware of that.
Meditation is full of ups-and-downs.
However, even during the “down” periods (which can be days, weeks, or even longer), know that this is all part of the meditation journey.
Meditation may bring to light many things about your life that you’ve been wanting to ignore. These issues can be difficult to face, but the more you address these issues, the more easy it becomes to have a clearer mind in the future.
Little by little, you will be able to focus more on the present: To not think so much and just feel happy to be here, in the moment.
The Second Half of the Year
I am overall much more happier during the second half of the year.
My meditations at this point is about exploring myself and my own potential.
Meditation is no longer just about quieting my thoughts. It is about leaving everything behind and guiding myself to a “higher” state of being.
Whether that higher state of being is feeling happy, joyful, grateful, at peace, blissful, or even neutral.
Sometimes I feel the emotion in in my heart (This was actually great progress for me because I used to find it difficult to feel positive emotions in my heart.)
There have also been times where I feel so happy that my mind feels like it’s vibrating.
At the beginning, these feelings came from a memory or using specific words or affirmations to help me to get to these feelings.
However, as I continued meditating I realized that it’s actually easier for me to reach these feelings without any particular thought.
When I am in a calm, relaxed state, I can actually sort of “reach” for that elevated feeling in my mind. I never know what exact feeling will come and the strength of that feeling differs between sessions.
I do admit though that there are times when I can’t hold this state for that long… or I don’t reach it at all during my meditation.
The results always vary depending on the day or period of time, and that is okay.
Although one of my over-arching goals is to reach for that higher state of being during my meditations, I don’t expect myself to feel any particular way. I find that is better for me to not have any expectations of what I want from my meditation sessions.
I have a general direction of where I want to go, and I just see where it takes me. If I happen to go off the path, that is okay too.
Also, during this period – I no longer have my “chronic bad dreams” that I’ve had since I was a child. This definitely shows that meditating has changed my subconscious state in some positive way.
How I Meditate
I want to say beforehand that there are so many different ways to meditate.
Your mind is unique and your life is unique – so feel free to do things your own way as well! This is just how I have decided to meditate.
I meditate at night before I go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll do an extra session in the middle of the day, but only when I feel like it. I hope to get back to doing a session in the morning as well.
I don’t time myself. I meditate for as long as I like and even when I decide to lie down and go to sleep, I still try to keep myself in that meditative state.
For those who want an approximate time however, I believe I meditate for around 30 minutes. My longer sessions are probably 1 hour.
I sit cross-legged on my bed. I don’t really have a meditation sitting position, just that I sit comfortably.
I close my eyes and blank out my mind.
I become aware of the state of my mind. In the beginning, depending on what you were doing before meditating, the brain may feel fast-paced and you might feel pressure there that you’ve been ignoring. You also may be thinking and analyzing a lot. I believe this state is known to be Beta Brain Waves, the most frequent brain waves seen in people who are awake, living their day-to-day lives.
I don’t like to meditate in this state. That is why the first thing I do is try to quiet down all my thoughts and focus on the darkness of my closed eyes.
There are two types of focus I am aware of (I learned these concepts of focus from Dr. Joe Dispenza’s books, where it explains it more in-depth).
A narrow focus means you are focusing on one specific thing. This helps if my thoughts are especially noisy and I need to really focus on one thing only. For instance, I will focus on my breath. To me, this is narrow focus.
However, for the most part, I am trying to openly-focus on nothing (the darkness). I know I am openly-focused when I am aware of nothing and there aren’t many intrusive thoughts. Some may flit in and out, but one’s attention isn’t fixated on them.
Open-focus feels more floaty in sensation, like you’re not trying to hold onto anything in particular, yet there is awareness.
As if you are just floating beneath the sea, and all you are aware of is the water.
When I am in this state of nothingness, I then will try to feel happier. In the beginning, I used my thoughts and thought about something I was grateful for in order to feel that emotion.
However, I found that I am more able to do it without any thought. I keep my mind blank and imagine myself reaching for it in my mind.
I think how you reach that emotion will differ, depending on the state of your mind and how your mind works.
There are days when the emotion is more powerful than others. There are also days where I can’t reach that emotion at all.
All of this is okay. I have learned over time to not feel bad about my meditation sessions. I feel at peace no matter what – and there will always be plenty more meditation sessions in the future.
However, I have also learned that anything can happen. Even on my sad days, I am able to move myself to reach that state. Not all the time…only sometimes – But to me, that is still great progress.
For the days when my thoughts won’t stop or I feel that it is important to address a worry or thought that I’ve been having, I’ll do that. Not all of my meditations result in the quieting of my thoughts. Sometimes my meditations are full of thoughts because I feel it is important that I work through something. It just depends on what I feel is right for me to do.
Effects of Meditation in my Life
I know that the effects seen from meditation can differ greatly between people, but here is how I have seen my life change since meditating.
- I feel happy and grateful much more frequently and feel it in so many different intensities and ways
- No more anxiety attacks since I left my job
- I am more open to doing things I always told myself I wouldn’t do before (Starting a Youtube Channel)
- My life has become more peaceful
- I no longer have chronic bad dreams
- Overall, my life is completely different from when I started meditating (I live in a different city, have a different job, have a more free lifestyle)
I would like to note that I still worry, feel sad, feel annoyed, and probably all the whole range of what a human being feels.
However, I am perhaps more better at understanding why I feel these feelings and know that in the grand scheme of things, I need to feel everything so that I may understand fully the beauty of being a human being.
In the end, there is still so much I do not know, so who knows – this may change or develop later as I continue to meditate.
Things to Note
- Even after a year of meditating, I still have trouble quieting my mind. I still have trouble focusing. There is so much room for improvement even if I’ve been meditating every day.
- Remember that you are making progress! (Especially during periods where it feels like you’ve back-tracked).
- Meditation is a long-term journey. It isn’t something that can be mastered over the course of several months.
- Try different methods (With music, guided meditations, meditation apps, etc).
- Research and listen to many perspectives and experiences.
- You may face really frightening, sad, harsh emotions, whether they are from meditation or not. Meditate through these periods as it can prove to be your safe haven for you to reach a neutral state of being. Also, you are going to be okay. Sometimes we lose all sense of that during these periods, and the only that gets us through is perhaps looking into that darkness and knowing that something else is there with us.
- Meditation isn’t only about finding peace. It is also about facing our insecurities, negative-thought patterns and behaviors and changing them. That is why it can feel terrible – Because people can’t easily change something deeply ingrained into their identities.
- Don’t limit your own potential. Believe that anything can happen because it can!
Overall, I am so glad I started meditating everyday through this year of 2020.
It was definitely a monumental year for me, and I feel that much of it has been because I started meditating.
I am exciting to meditate even more! In the future, I want to continue to meditate and have more sessions during the day. I also would like to meditate for longer periods of time.
Thank you so much for stopping by this blog post! I hope that this inspired you to start meditating even a little each day.
If you have your own meditation stories, please feel free to comment below! I’d love to hear your own stories as well!
I hope you have a wonderful day or night wherever you may be, and until next time!