What to Do When People Keep Hurting You
I am a softie at heart.
And for much of my life, I lived with this part of me being the bane of my existence. It hurt to live with such a sensitive heart – so much so that the only way I coped with this part of me was to ostracize myself for much of my younger years. I eventually learned however that avoiding the issue wouldn’t keep me from getting hurt at all – It in-fact inevitably became the source of hurt itself.
Now, I understand that one of my greatest strengths is that I, in-fact, get hurt easily.
I hurt when other people get hurt. I hurt when people hide and avoid their own hurt. I hurt when I am hurt. I hurt simply to explore everything that hurt could be.
Because sometimes it is the most soft-hearted, compassionate, and altruistic people that get their feelings hurt the most.
It’s because that is the main way in which we live, through our feelings. And if this is the case with you, I hope that as you experience the world and keep getting hurt time and time again, that you, above all, do not lose that soft-hearted part of yourself.
If you are like me, here are some tips to help overcome situations when people hurt your feelings. And even if you don’t get hurt that often by people, I hope these tips will bring some insight to you about human relationships.
Most People Don’t Mean to Hurt You
The first, most crucial thing I have come to understand is that 90% of the time, people don’t mean to hurt you.
Your feelings are unique to you, and by no means can anybody fully know what words or actions have the potential of hurting you.
I find that most of the time, people are simply unaware because they don’t get hurt by the same things that hurt you.
They may live more logically, and thus, feelings and emotions take less precedence over what is tangible, real, or more pressing to their senses. They may not have been thinking and just said the first thing that came to their mind. They may have wanted to do things their own way and didn’t consider you or the feelings of the others because of that drivenness. They may be trying to give you constructive criticism. It may be that they are not good at expressing themselves with words. It may be that they are in a bad mood or angry with themselves or the situation. It may be ignorance on their part. It may even be us that’s just missing the whole story or facts and do not know it.
In other words, there are hundreds of possible reasons – but most of the time, my feelings get hurt simply because I live, see, and experience the world in a different way than the other person. Their way is not wrong, just as my way is not wrong – But I have to accept that it is no one’s fault.
In-fact, it is up to me to identify the intent behind their “hurtful” words or actions and not blame the other person or associate their actions or words with ill intent.
Never Jump to Conclusions
Jumping to conclusions is the worst thing you can do when you get hurt.
We as people easily and almost, naturally, go about doing this.
This person did or said this, which means:
- They meant to hurt me
- They don’t like me anymore
- They’re making fun of me
We immediately jump to conclusions through association, when in-fact none of this was actually said. Yes, some people can be passive aggressive, but you’d be surprised just how many people are falsely associated with being “bad people” when it is simply our minds that are skewing the facts.
When we jump to conclusions, we immediately train our minds to see the worst in people and situations – when what we really need to do is be more open to the good in people.
Stop pushing people away so easily. Start asking more questions. Start listening and observing the other person more intently. Stop skimming the surface of a person and start trying to understand the underlying human being beneath the words and actions.
When we get hurt, we oftentimes try to understand them through our own perspectives and ways of thinking – Which is a step forward, but not the best way of going about doing it. People think and feel differently. People are at different stages of maturity in their lives. Different people have their strengths and weaknesses in personality.
We can’t always throw ourselves in their shoes and expect to understand their actions as truths.
Stop Expecting Things
One of the most crucial things to human relationships of any kind is to stop expecting things from others.
Stop expecting perfection. Stop expecting kindness all the time. Stop expecting lovely words. Stop expecting a certain form of love and affection.
Just because someone is your friend, lover, mother, father, sibling, or child does not mean they need to act or be a certain way at all.
You as a person cannot be everything to others, so don’t expect the same from those around you. Don’t even expect the things you provide to others to be reciprocated back.
That is not how any kind of human relationship works.
When you stop expecting things from others, hurtful words will become less hurtful – Simply because you no longer expect the other person to do everything perfectly for you. You accept them for all they are despite their character flaws and slip-ups.
End Toxic Relationships
There is always that minority of people you will come across in your life who will truly hurt you for the sake of hurting you.
Whether it is due to immoral, selfish, sadistic, or immature reasons – I hope that when you face this type of situation, these people are simply passerby’s in your life.
If however, there is a person who constantly keeps hurting you and you sense that they are not a good person at heart, it may be in your best interest to stop interacting with this person.
They are toxic to you.
Otherwise, try to openly communicate with them: Explain that they have caused you to feel hurt and why what they did hurt you. Gauge their reaction and response, and from there, take the best course of action to you. Do they deserve another chance to be forgiven? Or perhaps it’s time to diverge in paths.
Let the Hurt Go
Sometimes we cause more hurt inside ourselves.
I know I do this quite often and it’s something I need to constantly work on to stop doing.
When I get hurt, I replay and overthink it in my head – causing the hurt to magnify and get more complicated than it is.
Instead of it being simply hurt feelings, it becomes pain, grief, and utter sadness.
Because I am so absorbed with living with my feelings first, these negative feelings can be so powerful and overwhelming, that I “like” to actually put myself through this torment. And even though it is the feeling I am trying to fully get to know, it can be dangerous to drag someone else into this mind journey with you.
So be aware of this if you are moved by powerful feelings. Be aware that you do this and know the difference between the hurt from others and the hurt you inflict upon yourself.
The way I let go of hurt is to start with self-awareness. I stop my train of thought from going any further and use a more logical, less emotional thought process to direct my thoughts the opposite way – In a more healthier direction.
Always try to actively search for a way to understand the other person and the situation.
When I get hurt, I try not to immediately react to the situation: I instead give myself time to process it.
I never seek revenge, instant gratification, bully, or use passive aggressive techniques to “get back” at someone. This is because I am aware of how sensitive I am, more-so than most people around me, and I need that extra time to process what just happened to understand it from the other person’s point-of-view.
Doing so has helped me realize that most of the time, there is no ill-intent. People still care about you. People still love you. And you will be able to see this later through their actions and words.
And the world has a way of showing that to you in time – It’s up to you to be open to seeing this unfold. The world always has a way for you.
Put Yourself Out There
The best way to get over getting hurt constantly is to interact with people more.
Whether it be through your friend group, social settings, or your job – It is imperative to get to know people who are different from you.
Put yourself out there – And let every human experience be a lesson to you.
Sometimes I think that people have become so used to instant gratification that we expect the same from human experiences. We want to know people quickly – and when it doesn’t happen, we quickly assume that the other party is boring or incompatible, and we move onto the next person or next experience.
This sadly even becomes the case for people who are significant to us.
That is why it is so important for us to learn the art of getting to know people. Don’t just take their words or actions for face value and make your own judgments about them – Understand the underlying personality and experience of the person.
We may never truly know the person through-and-through, but you’d be surprised just how lovable anyone can be when we are able to see that there is a completely expansive world unbeknownst to us in each and every person we meet.
Getting hurt is a part of putting yourself out there. Yes, it may be safer to live superficially, but it’s also unbearably lonely. I’d rather risk getting hurt every single day of my life than to not experience people for everything they are and could be.
There are more good people in this world than evil.
Most people are just misunderstood by an instantaneous moment. It is up to each of us to understand that these moments do not define them and that we must always look for the good in each other.
To never judge someone as a whole for a flaw in their character.
I hope this blog post was able to help you if you get your feelings hurt by others a lot. Or perhaps you know someone who is a little sensitive, I hope this blog post was able to help you understand why this may be so.
If you enjoyed this blog post, feel free to share or comment down below. And until next time my lovely reader – Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading <3