When You Feel Ugly or Insecure – Read This
There are days for all of us, when we feel a little bit more insecure about ourselves… but for those of you who may be feeling this torture everyday… for those of you who are in need of some encouraging words to set your thoughts in a better direction… I hope this blog post will help you – For the days when you feel ugly, insecure, or unwanted.
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There are so many ways in which we can be insecure about how we look – to varying degrees as well.
I know these words and ideas may not be enough for some of you who are facing a more debilitating, serious issue in regards to one’s self image, but I hope there are still some things that you can take away from this article.
Perhaps there are words that you can remind yourself of, whatever they may be for you, so that one day, even if it takes several years – I hope there was something from this article that was able to heal you.
Because changing the way we view ourselves doesn’t happen in a matter or days or weeks. It will take months and even years. But we have to start from somewhere – and sometimes just finding the right direction to face will help in getting there.
I may focus this article on the specific thought processes one may need to change, but by no means am I against the idea of changing yourself physically, such as putting makeup on or getting plastic surgery.
It is your own body and I believe it is your own choice, and only your choice, what you decide to do with your body. I will never judge or look down on anybody for deciding to change how they look – Because to me, looks are irrelevant to the person you are.
Personally, I can hardly remember what color hair someone has, whether they wore glasses or not, or what color shirt they have on that day, but the thing I do remember about people is the distinct feeling of their presence: How they stand, their facial expression (their smile especially), the light in their eyes, the value in their words.
To me, and probably to many of you, looks aren’t that important. What is more important is to be unique and to be you.
Change the Way You Think
I know many of you have probably heard this many times before… but it’s all about perspective.
Below are some of the ways I have reworked through my own thoughts in the past when I have struggled with my own insecurities, as well as ways of thinking I wish I had known when I was younger… It may have helped me be a stronger person back then as I was trying to figure out my place in the world.
Below is a quote I wrote in my journal back when I was a student – And I remember just how much it struck me to read these words. I figured I’d share it with you:
We might at first believe that the issue is external, but the root cause of most things in life begins internally. If we want a long-term solution, we must address this internal conflict first.
For when you simply don’t like the way you look
When we meet other people, most of us do not judge the size, looks, or proportions of another person’s body. They simple are as they are. And if we can do that for others, why cannot we do that for ourselves?
One of the best things we can do to ourselves, is to start treating yourself as if you care about yourself. It’s surprising how plain & simple such a concept is, but how rare we actually practice it towards ourselves.
Treat yourself as you would your best, most treasured friend. We would never tell them that they need to look better. They they’re too fat, too skinny, their nose too big, or their hair too crazy. No – you see them and love them as they are.
That is the state of mind and heart where you want to lead yourself towards.
For When Others are Making Fun of the Way You Look
You are not ugly.
And you know how I know?
Because I have never thought someone was “ugly”. And most of the people around me do not look at people and think of the word “ugly” at all. You, in fact, probably have never met someone and thought that they were “ugly”.
There are only a few people every now and then that we meet that make it a point for their mind to create such “ugly” thoughts and try to demean others with it – and that is simply a reflection of their own character – not your’s.
Let me reiterate again: Those “ugly” words have nothing to do with you. So don’t let them in and let them create a place to live inside you.
I hope that if anyone ever makes fun of you for how you look, I hope you can be strong – and dress however you want, sport whatever hairstyle you want, and go out and look as pretty/handsome as you want.
Your happiness depends solely on yourself. What others say or do to you is completely irrelevant to your own happiness. This may sound weird to some of you – but drill this in your mind until you completely understand this.
You and your well-being are not slaves to the approval of others.
You are completely free to be happy. Despite what others say about you, you must take responsibility to feed words of love to yourself even when others do not.
for when you afraid you can’t go after certain opportunities because of the way I look
For some of you, the way you look may affect the opportunities you go after – due to low self esteem.
However, if we make looks the reason we don’t chase our dreams or believe there are only closed doors ahead of us, what will we do when we are in our 50’s or 70’s? We won’t stay conventionally “pretty” forever – Eventually time will catch up with all of us. Just because we have more wrinkles doesn’t mean at all that our life is over. There are so many things to do still even in our 50’s or 70’s. There is still so much we can do in living.
And it should be the same now!
No matter what you may think, at the end of the day, looks do not matter. What matters is your personality, charisma, positivity, and the ability to be compassionate towards others.
So stop the over-thinking – and just do what you want to do.
And remember – success doesn’t come immediately. It takes time, effort, and lots of passion to reach success. Persistence will get you up there, giving up will only lose you the chance.
for those who feel as if they don’t look as good as their selfies or their reflection in the mirror
You are a different person that what you appear in your photos, in the mirror, or to other people in your everyday life.
There are so many perceptions of who you are – And it’s up to you to decide who is truly you: The “you” in your selfies? The “you” when you look in the mirror? The “you” in the eyes of other people as you go outside? Or the concept of “yourself” as you live everyday and look at the world and the thoughts and feelings that come to you from living as “you”.
Because maybe the main part of yourself isn’t your physical looks at all (we don’t spend most of our days looking at ourselves after all) – but instead the eyes that takes in the universe around us.
We spend most of our days taking in the world around us – and how we do so is as much a reflection of who “you” are.
So be aware of how you see the world – and make it so beautiful that nothing else could ever be ugly. Not even yourself.
For When You’re Worried About How Your Looks Affects the Relationships You Can Have
It’s a natural worry we have when we are looking for a new relationship with somebody: “Are we good enough?” And oftentimes, the main focus falls upon our looks and whether or not the person we like will think we look attractive or not.
However, looks are the least of our worries.
If someone denies a chance to get to know you simply based on your looks, it wasn’t even a relationship worth pursuing in the first place. In fact, it’ll be better that way in the long run.
You want someone to love you for all of you – not just based on your physical appearance.
That is to also say that just because someone declines you for a date or anything romantic, that it is due to your looks either. There are so many other reasons as well – Sometimes there just isn’t chemistry in their eyes.
For relationships, I think it’s best to work on creating yourself into the best person you can be: Be ambitious, joyful, caring, attentive, and everything that is you. The right person will come into your life, and when you have that self-respect, confidence, and love towards yourself, your character is what is going to attract the right person to you.
That is what you want a relationship to be built around – not looks.
Plus – you’d be surprised how many people actually do not have such a high standard for how physically attractive a partner has to be. There are many people who know and have faced the reality of how difficult it is to find the right partner simply through looks. Through time and life experience, we realize how insignificant one’s physical looks are in comparison to the magic of everything else a human being is.
The skin is merely a shell to all else we invisibly are.
Additional Food for Thought
You’re Not as Bad-Looking as You Think
This war about whether or not you look good or not is probably just a battle of your mind. In reality, to most people, you aren’t as bad-looking as you think. Perhaps to a lot of people, you are beautiful in your own charming, unique way.
Let’s Think about the long-run
If we become so fixated in the way we look, can we safely say that this will not affect our significant other or even our future children – whether that be in an active or passive way?
One of my biggest worries regarding this topic is how painful it may be for future generations if this is the growing issue of our days: What will it be like for them?
That is why I wanted to create this content – so that there can be source out there for people to stumble upon – a source for them to turn to. There are healthier ways in seeing beauty (vs “ugliness”), and I think we need more of that in this world.
Things to Do
- Stop constantly taking selfies and comparing yourself to others: Instead explore the world and meet new people. Broaden your perspective in life and you will realize how miniscule one’s looks are when it comes to our relationship with others and yourself.
- Start journaling: Fall in love with your inner self – There is more to you than you may imagine.
- Wear something you love: Try out new outfits and find something that makes you feel like a thousand bucks. Styling yourself is a form of self expression – and can really give you a boost in confidence.
- Stay healthy: Remember to eat healthy and exercise. Find healthy foods you love (ex: avocado toast!) or exercises you have fun doing (ex: yoga). Creating a healthy lifestyle can do wonders to regulating stress and taking care one’s mind.
- Smile: Your smiling face is so pretty. The next time you’re standing in front of the mirror, smile – And learn to love that smile.
- Redefine beautiful: Create a new standard for what a beautiful person is. One that is more realistic and healthier. One that can be found in real life – in the people around you – and not just in Instagram photos, magazine covers, or other pre-edited, fine-tuned shots.
Yes, it can be a lot harder to change your own perception of the way you look than it is to physically change the way you look (depending on the extent). But a lot of people give up ever changing their thoughts because of that – and sometimes, taking that shortcut doesn’t fix things for the long term.
It is my belief that learning to have power over one’s mind, rather than letting the mind be the thing that destroys you, is a skill that will take you to farther heights than any thing else in this world.
I hope you found this blog post helpful if you ever have thoughts that you are ugly: Whether it be for just a single moment or a long period in your life.
You are so, very very beautiful.